LINDZI'S DATE
There's always been something I didn't like about Lindzi and I still can't quite figure it out. Maybe it's that her hair is ALWAYS in her face. Maybe it's that she never raises her head when she's talking. Or maybe it's her voice. Actually, it's probably mostly her voice. Hey Lindzi, please talk like a human. Your tone and cadence just bother me. Knock it off. Also, these two have no chemestry whatsoever. It's not painful, it's just forced. And when they were writing their message in a bottle, it felt like two unfunny people filling out a Mad Lib. No thanks to both of you.
Lastly, the beginning of Lindzi's date made me think of a new way to spice this show up: from here on out, we do the rose ceremony like always. But when we get down to one rose, the remaining contestants have to go up in a helicopter with the bachelor and whoever doesn't get a rose is forced to jump out and swim to shore. Wouldn't it be great to hear Chris Harrison say, "Heather, I'm sorry, you did not get a rose. Please say your goodbyes and jump off the side of this helicopter"?! Also, surely, eventually, we'd end up with a girl who knows she's not into the bachelor and ends up jumping out on her own like Sawyer did in season five of Lost. That girl would be a shoe-in for The Bachelorette the following season.
EMILY'S DATE
Chris Harrison reiterated this in his blog today (yeah, I read his blog, what about it?) but you could sort-of see that Emily and Ben were falling into the Friend Zone. Their date seemed very natural and casual but probably a little too casual. And a little too boring because that's all I have to say about their date.
COURTNEY'S DATE
First off Courtney, you draw my ire this week for being the most annoying girl with the whole, "It's hard to watch him date other girls" bit. THIS IS HOW THE SHOW WORKS! Don't come on here if you can't handle that. Second, because Courtney is the worst human to ever be on this show whose name is not Bentley, I would really like it if the rest of the girls would Code Red her butt. Wait till she's asleep and then hold her down while one of them beats her with a bar of soap tied up in a sock. She truly deserves this. I probably spend 60% of my time watching this show every week hoping that someone will fight Courtney. It's unhealthy, really.
As far as their actual date goes, here are three observations:
1. They mentioned human sacrifice at least three times. THREE TIMES. I mean, I know you're in the heart of Mayan/Aztec territory and all but I don't think human sacrifice is an acceptable date topic. In fact, I think it's safe to say that in the almost four years Lindsey and I have been together, we've never discussed human sacrifice even once.
2. When they climb to the top of the ruin, it looks like Ben is carrying a bottle of urine. I know it's a white wine but for half a second, I wondered if he had to take a potty break and didn't want to pee on a historical landmark.
3. During their serious discussion, Ben says (and I quote), "I don't want to like a woman that other people don't like." Well buddy, if this was a Pass/Fail course, the professor would be coming to you right now and encouraging you to drop the class because there's no way you're passing this one.
GROUP DATE
I almost felt bad for Rachel this week. She had no chance of making it through this rose ceremony and it was like you could see that dawning on her as the episode went on. Poor kid. I also thoroughly enjoyed her statement when one of the date cards came in: "Are we all hoping it's us?" Yes, Rachel. At this point in the contest, every girl in this room is hoping the date card bears her name. Duh.
Kacie and especially Nicki did a solid job of confronting Ben about Courtney. If Emily is watching at home, I hope she took notes on how to confront a dude in the future. It was drama-free and spun in a way in which the personal girl hatred was hidden inside of, "We just want the best for you." Well done.
Also, um, not to be the creepy guy or anything, but there were far more, "Woah, your boobs are falling out" moments this week than there have been all season. Nicki and Rachel especially were working hard to provide a sneak peek. It's like Blakeley got eliminated and suddenly all the girls weren't being intimidated anymore.
ROSE CEREMONY
Can we all agree that Courtney is winning this thing now? I thought for a long time that Kacie B. was the favorite but she's been surpassed. Courtney, for all her psychotic tendencies, has a hold on Ben because, quite frankly, he's not thinking with his head. The whole bit with him pulling her aside before the ceremony proved it to me. He was just looking for ANYTHING that would allow him to go back to pretending he doesn't see what a nutbag she is. She would have had to go off the deep end and/or attempted to stab him during their conversation in order for him to send her home.
As such, Ben has earned the six months in relationship hell that he is sure to find himself in after the show is over. If you can't see the manipulative nature with which Courtney acts and if you can't take the word of FOUR OTHER PEOPLE WHO LIVE WITH HER EVERY HOUR OF THE DAY, then you deserve what you're getting. Take solace in this fact Emily, Jennifer, and everyone else who was or will be eliminated too soon: the chances of Ben and Courtney lasting more than a month after the After the Final Rose show is equal to the chances of the cast of The Jersey Shore living past the age of 40. He just doesn't see the crazy the way he will in a few weeks. He needs a friend to say, "Hey dude, I love you and all, but your girlfriend is street rat crazy and she gots to go." Again I say, Brad Womack would never put up with this crap. Never. Maybe Chris Harrison needs to bring in Brad to be the "Bachelor Counselor" and advise these idiots on what to do with a manipulative shrew. It would be a nice story of redemption for Brad, too. According to the Grammys we've all forgiven Chris Brown so isn't it time we gave Brad Womack another chance?
KELBY
Nicki - Kiss: +25p
Kacie B. - Hot Tub: +25p
Kacie B. - Kiss: +25p
Kacie B. - Rose on Group Date: +50p
Courtney - 1-on-1 Date: +25p
Courtney - Kiss: +25p
Rachel - Elimination Pick: +100p
2 or more in top 4: +100p
Total: 375
Previous Total: 1465
SEASON TOTAL: 1840
EMMELIE
Nicki - Kiss: +25p
Kacie B. - Hot Tub: +25p
Kacie B. - Kiss: +25p
Kacie B. - Rose on Group Date: +50p
Courtney - 1-on-1 Date: +25p
Courtney - Kiss: +25p
Rachel - Elimination Pick: +100p
2 or more in top 4: +100p
Total: 375
Previous Total: 1310
SEASON TOTAL: 1685
MALLORY
Nicki - Kiss: +25p
Kacie B. - Hot Tub: +25p
Kacie B. - Kiss: +25p
Kacie B. - Rose on Group Date: +50p
Courtney - 1-on-1 Date: +25p
Courtney - Kiss: +25p
Rachel - Elimination Pick: +100p
2 or more in top 4: +100p
Total: 375
Previous Total: 1260
SEASON TOTAL: 1645
CALEB
Lindzi - 1-on-1 Date: +25p
Lindzi - Helicopter Ride: +25p
Lindzi - Worst Fear Date: +25p
Lindzi - Kiss: +25p
Kacie B. - Hot Tub: +25p
Kacie B. - Kiss: +25p
Kacie B. - Rose on Group Date: +50p
Nicki - Kiss: +25p
Emily - Elimination Pick: +50p
Rachel - Elimination Pick: +50p
2 or more in the top 4: +100p
Total: 400
Previous Total: 1180
SEASON TOTAL: 1580
JENNA
Lindzi - 1-on-1 Date: +25p
Lindzi - Helicopter Ride: +25p
Lindzi - Worst Fear Date: +25p
Lindzi - Kiss: +25p
Kacie B. - Hot Tub: +25p
Kacie B. - Kiss: +25p
Kacie B. - Rose on Group Date: +50p
Courtney - 1-on-1 Date: +25p
Courtney - Kiss: +25p
Emily - Elimination Pick: +100p
2 or more in the top 4: +100p
Total: 450
Previous Total: 1130
SEASON TOTAL: 1580
LINDSEY
Nicki - Kiss: +25p
Lindzi - 1-on-1 Date: +25p
Lindzi - Helicopter Ride: +25p
Lindzi - Worst Fear Date: +25p
Lindzi - Kiss: +25p
Courtney - 1-on-1 Date: +25p
Courtney - Kiss: +25p
Emily - Elimination Pick: +50p
Rachel - Elimination Pick: +50p
2 or more in the top 4: +100p
Total: 375
Previous Total: 1130
SEASON TOTAL: 1505
MICAH
Nicki - Kiss: +25p
Kacie B. - Hot Tub: +25p
Kacie B. - Kiss: +25p
Kacie B. - Rose on Group Date: +50p
Emily - Elimination Pick: +50p
Rachel - Elimination Pick: +50p
2 or more in the top 4: +100p
Total: 325
Previous Total: 1080
SEASON TOTAL: 1405
MOLLY
Lindzi - 1-on-1 Date: +25p
Lindzi - Helicopter Ride: +25p
Lindzi - Worst Fear Date: +25p
Lindzi - Kiss: +25p
Kacie B. - Hot Tub: +25p
Kacie B. - Kiss: +25p
Kacie B. - Rose on Group Date: +50p
Rachel - Elimination Pick: +50p
2 or more in the top 4: +100p
Total: 400
Previous Total: 995
SEASON TOTAL: 1395
KYLIE
Nicki - Kiss: +25p
Kacie B. - Hot Tub: +25p
Kacie B. - Kiss: +25p
Kacie B. - Rose on Group Date: +50p
Courtney - 1-on-1 Date: +25p
Courtney - Kiss: +25p
Rachel - Elimination Pick: +100p
2 or more in top 4: +100p
Total: 375
Previous Total: 980
SEASON TOTAL: 1355
SARAH
Rachel - Fear Date: +25p
Rachel - Kiss: +25p
Kacie B. - Hot Tub: +25p
Kacie B. - Kiss: +25p
Kacie B. - Rose on Group Date: +50p
Emily - Elimination Pick: +100p
2 or more in the top 4: +100p
Total: 150
Previous Total: 795
SEASON TOTAL: 945
BRIAN
Emily - 1-on-1 Date: +25p
Emily - Kiss: +25p
Rachel - Elimination Pick: +100p
Total: 150
Previous Total: 675
SEASON TOTAL: 825
LAURA BETH
Kacie B. - Hot Tub: +25p
Kacie B. - Kiss: +25p
Kacie B. - Rose on Group Date: +50p
Emily - 1-on-1 Date: +25p
Emily - Kiss: +25p
Rachel - Elimination Pick: +100p
Total: 250
Previous Total: 555
SEASON TOTAL: 805
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