LINDZI’S DATES
Perhaps my favorite quote of the night came from Ben when
he said (to the camera) something to the effect of, “Do I need more time with
this woman to know where this is headed?” Um…YES!!! YES, you DO need more than
five dates in faraway lands to figure out whether or not you are compatible
with another human! Good gracious. Also,
hey Lindzi, we’ve known each other for about 10 weeks now, it’s time I finally
just said it: get your hair out of your eyes! For the love of Pete, you’re
driving me crazy.
I’d forgotten how much Julia looks like a Khloe Kardasian
impersonator. Maybe Ben’s dad is also Khloe’s real father given the recent
controversy over her heritage. (Why do I know that there is a Kardasian
fatherhood controversy? I hate myself.) I thought Lindzi handled the Courtney
conversation with Julia very well. Much more class than Courtney would have
exhibited in a similar situation. But then again, it probably would have been
in her best interest to unload on Courtney and let Julia do the dirty work for
her. That could have been the move that closed the gap between the two
contestants but alas, she’s too nice to sink to Courtney’s level. Good for her,
I guess; she gets to go home with a clear conscious and after she watches Ben
fool around with Courtney for six weeks, she’ll be thrilled.
I thought it was a little weird that Lindzi made
reference to her sense of humor. I’ve never thought of her as funny. She’s
bubbly, sure, but funny? Not so much. Is that what normal people think of as
funny? Wow, that’s sad.
Lastly, I honestly felt bad for Lindzi when she put
herself all on the line and told Ben she loved him then acknowledged that she
knew he couldn’t say the same thing. I know she put herself in this situation
but how awful would it be to open yourself up like that, knowing full well the
person on the other end couldn’t reciprocate? How high school is that?
COURTNEY’S
DATES
Over and over throughout the last few weeks, Ben has made
approximately 100 billion statements to the effect of, “That person isn’t the
real Courtney; I know the real Courtney.” If ever I have a friend, a child, a
random acquaintance who says something similar about anyone ever, I will slap
him or her in public. Yes, being in such an unnatural, stressful situation will
bring out the worst in someone. But if the “worst in someone” is manipulative,
mean, needlessly harsh and borderline sociopathic, then somewhere in there THAT
IS THE REAL PERSON. Head in the game, Ben.
I loved that Courtney showed up to meet mom and sister
and IMMEDIATELY started talking crap about the other girls. I would love to
know what those two think about Courtney NOW having watched her run amok
throughout the house for 10 weeks and proposition their son/brother on numerous
occasions. They can’t possibly feel good about handing out that blessing on
this episode. This girl must be REALLY STINKING GOOD in person because she
seems capable of swaying anyone to her side in a smaller setting.
Which brings me to my greatest frustration with this
season and perhaps The Bachelor overall:
How many women this year talked a big game and made a big show of telling Ben
what Courtney was really like and then backed down in the moment? Emily, Kacie
B., Nicki, all of them only took their conversations far enough to make
themselves look petty and not far enough to really make it clear to Ben what a
horrible “human” Courtney really is. Stupid. I expected more from Julia. I
thought for sure she would take Courtney to task and put her overprotectiveness
to good use. And instead, she gave him her blessing. What a letdown.I also
really enjoyed Ben’s mom’s advice concerning Courtney and, you know, marriage: “Give
it a try and see what happens.” Wait, what? Give it a try and see what happens?
What mother says that? What would Ben’s dad think about that advice?
Also, I don’t get girls that do the baby talk thing. It
doesn’t make any sense to me. Courtney does it routinely and it drives me nuts.
Likewise, I don’t get guys that dig that bit. It’s kind of creepy to be honest.
It’s the sort of thing that you see on TV or in movies and it’s sort of funny
because that’s the stereotype but then someone does it in real life and it’s
awful. Gross.
Oh and by the way, Courtney, the reason you keep getting
guys who “keep taking and taking and give nothing back” is because you keep
giving it up. Keep your clothes on and your chances of creating anything
resembling a proper give and take goes up dramatically. Duh.
Finally, Ben has zero ability to have a serious,
potentially difficult conversation. He completely shuts down. He is incredibly
cold and vacant. You might as well attempt a serious conversation with concrete
slab. He absolutely cannot handle conflict, period. Run away, ladies. Run.
Away.
CONCLUSION
In my imagination, Neil the Ring Guy and Chris Harrison
are the best of friends. They go to movies together (preferably not Titanic 3D), drink together, and play
tennis together because they’re both such ballers. I loved that Neil took a
couple of sly shots at Ben when he showed up. So great. Afterward, I hope Neil
met up with his BFF Chris at a trendy bar and the two of them had a laugh over
what an idiot Ben is and how great it is that they’ve both made BANK off of a
stupid TV show like this.
Also, I know I’m an unhip guy who wears t-shirts and
shorts every day and throws a fit every time he has to wear a tie. But what’s
up with the capes? Are capes in right now? And if they are, why? Again, I’d
like to think this came as a result of a drunken bet between Chris and Neil in
which Chris said, “I’ll bet you $10,000 that I can get them both to wear capes”
and Neil said, “I’ll make it $20,000 if you can insure that one of them will be
green.” Seriously, a green cape? What are you doing, Lindzi? I half expected her
to pull a poison apple out of her cloak to present to Ben and I sort-of wish
she had.
Finally, I present to you a short quiz:
TRUE or FALSE: Ben’s rejection of Lindzi was the single
worst break-up in the history of The
Bachelor.
Answer: TRUE. You can’t get any worse than what Ben did
there. “I’ve fallen in love with you!” (Hopes shoot through the roof…) “But…I’ve
fallen in love with someone else a little more.” (…hopes plummet to the lower
depths of the underworld.) WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?!?! What good does it do to
tell the poor girl that you were in love with her? Granted, there’s no great
way to do that sort of thing but virtually anything excluding, “I picked
Courtney oh and by the way, I have Hepatitis. Sorry!” would have been better. You’d
have to be a complete moron to think that would be an appropriate way to break
it off with someone which, of course, is what we all should have expected from
in.
Adios, Ben. Enjoy the slow, agonizing death that has already
been exemplified in the excruciating After
the Final Rose show. Just remember, you brought this all on yourself and
you truly do deserve your fate.
JENNA
Courtney - Helicopter Ride: +25p
Courtney - Kiss: +25p
Lindzi - Kiss: +25p
Lindzi - Elimination Pick: +100p
Total: +175
Previous Total: 2255
SEASON TOTAL: 2430
KELBY
Courtney - Helicopter Ride: +25p
Courtney - Kiss: +25p
Lindzi - Elimination Pick: +100p
Total: +150
Previous Total: 2240
SEASON TOTAL: 2390
EMMELIE
Courtney - Helicopter Ride: +25p
Courtney - Kiss: +25p
Lindzi - Elimination Pick: +100p
Total: +150
Previous Total: 2210
SEASON TOTAL: 2360
MALLORY
Courtney - Helicopter Ride: +25p
Courtney - Kiss: +25p
Lindzi - Elimination Pick: +100p
Total: +150
Previous Total: 2145
SEASON TOTAL: 2295
LINDSEY
Courtney - Helicopter Ride: +25p
Courtney - Kiss: +25p
Lindzi - Kiss: +25p
Total: +75
Previous Total: 2130
SEASON TOTAL: 2205
CALEB
Lindzi - Kiss: +25p
Total: +25
Previous Total: 2080
SEASON TOTAL: 2105
KYLIE
Courtney - Helicopter Ride: +25p
Courtney - Kiss: +25p
Lindzi - Elimination Pick: +100p
Total: +150
Previous Total: 1930
SEASON TOTAL: 2080
MOLLY
Lindzi - Kiss: +25p
Lindzi - Elimination Pick: +100p
Total: +125
Previous Total: 1645
SEASON TOTAL: 1770
MICAH
Lindzi - Elimination Pick: +100p
Total: 100
Previous Total: 1555
SEASON TOTAL: 1655
SARAH
Lindzi - Elimination Pick: +100p
Total: +100
Previous Total: 1095
SEASON TOTAL: 1195
LAURA BETH
Lindzi - Elimination Pick: +50p
Total: +50
Previous Total: 905
SEASON TOTAL: 955
BRIAN
Lindzi - Elimination Pick: +100p
Total: +100
Previous Total: 825
SEASON TOTAL: 925
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