NICKI’S DATE
- Did Ben just say they were soaring to “new heights” as
they flew over a mountain? That’s bad even for you, dude.
- As the pair soars to “new heights” over the glacier, I
can’t help but wonder if Kasey is down there somewhere, waiting for Ali to
return and allow him to guard and protect her heart. I know, I know, that didn’t
happen in Switzerland but on some level a glacier is a glacier.
- As they head into their evening date sight, Nicki makes
one of the worst high pitch noises I’ve ever heard. Molly correctly points out
that it sounded like a gate opening. That might have been the nail in her
coffin.
- In 6 months, Nicki will look back on this experience
and realize that she’s a billion times better off without Ben. As their
conversations drag on, it becomes more and more apparent that Nicki is digging
for something significant that just isn’t there with this dude.
- I always love it when the contestants act like they don’t
know what the fantasy date note card will say. Maybe, just maybe, one day we’ll
get a girl who has never seen this show and is thoroughly taken aback by both
the bachelor’s forwardness and the creepiness of Chris Harrison setting them up
with a love shack.
- Also, that’s not the key to the fantasy suite. That
looks like the key to an 8 year old girl’s Lisa Frank diary.
- And if Nicki’s dog whistle-like squeal wasn’t enough to
seal her fate, the further development of her seriously unfortunate crazy eyes
definitely did the trick. From the beginning I’ve thought Nicki was an
attractive, somewhat normal human. But those eyes tell a different story.
LINDZI’S DATE
- Regarding the repel date that our lovely couple is
going on, it always bugs me a little when contestants freak out about how
unsafe a given activity is. ABC is not about to send you on a truly dangerous
date and then record some incriminating footage of you dying. So there really
should be no fear of the date itself. However, the main guy at the repel sight
looks like a total weirdo. I would not allow him to determine whether or not I
fell 300 feet to my death.
- As they prepare to jump down, though, you can see
genuine fear in Ben’s eyes. I think that’s probably the first real emotion he’s
shown all season.
- Did Lindzi just refer to herself as the Ice Queen?
Really? That’s the image we want to create for yourself going into a very
important elimination process. Alright.
- Woah! Ben just totally dropped the “L” bomb! That was
shocking. Not Jennifer’s elimination shocking. Not Courtney and Ben skinny
dipping shocking. Not Blakeley went to college shocking. But still, pretty
shocking. Maybe this actually is a two-horse race.
- So now they’re in the fantasy suite/cabin and
everything is pre--- and there’s Lindzi’s leg. Wow.
COURTNEY’S DATE
- Is it just me or do these two actually look like a
semi-real couple during the first part of this date? I didn’t think that was possible
given that in a few months Courtney will murder Ben and then lay her eggs
inside his body but hey, good for them.
- Hey Cow is absolutely and inequitably the best game for
Ben. It’s just as stale, pointless, and boring as his existence is. I’m so glad
he found his hobby.
- You know how I know this “relationship” won’t make it a
month past the After the Final Rose show? Because neither of these people has
any stinking idea how to get real, handle conflict, or interact with normal
society. Every major conversation that either of them brings up, the other cuts
it off immediately. THIS WILL NOT END WELL, PEOPLE.
- I like that their fantasy suite is apparently located
inside a creepy wine cellar. That’s always a plus.
- The one saving grace of this whole fiasco with Courtney
is that next week we get to see her and Ben’s creepy and possibly would-be incestuous
sister confront her. I. Am. REALLY. Excited.
- I said it several weeks ago but this latest “serious”
conversation just reinforces the point: Ben will do anything to clear his own
conscience and justify his interaction with Courtney, a girl he knows deep down
to be an alien demon.
BACHELORETTE PREVIEW
- Of all the past Bachelor participants, Emily is by far
my favorite. I loved her. She’s normal, she’s attractive, she genuinely seems
to care more about her kid than anything else, and her kid’s name is Ricki and
for some reason, every time she says it, I say to myself, “Riki Tiki Tavi.” And
that makes me happy.
- That said, this is not going to be a positive
experience. There will be far too many tears, far too many questionings of
herself, far too many, “I feel I let Ricki (Tiki Tavi) down” moments. I cannot
imagine that she will take well to this setup.
KACIE B. SHOWS
UP
- Nothing says, “I’m totally desperate and I’m quickly
unraveling” like traveling from Tennessee to Switzerland to see a boy who just
rejected you on national television.
- Can we all just be honest for a second? Can I say
something without being attacked as a chauvinist jerk? I’m going to give it a
try. Kacie B. became less and less attractive as the season progressed. She was
super cute in the beginning but as she got further along, she looked like she
was trying to be cute less and less. I 100% guarantee that this played into Ben’s
decision. Anyway, I didn’t mention that last week for fear of being branded a
jerkhole but her reappearance has brought this feeling back up.
- I like that Ben basically just admitted that one of the
reasons he didn’t keep her around is because he was afraid she wouldn’t give up
the goods. Ben Frajnik: Classy and Honest.
- Kacie, you came all this way, why are you stopping
there? Keep going! Tell him everything! Make it clear that Courtney is not of
this world!
- And yet again, Ben kicks Kacie to the curb with an icy
stare. Wow. That dude is an ice cold son of a gun.
ROSE CEREMONY
- I really shouldn’t expect Ben to have a brain and send
Courtney packing at this point but ABC has done a great job this year of
editing and playing up the drama so I get my hopes up. Alas, it is not to be.
- Courtney is actually a little scared for the first time
all season. If Ben would just push the stress a little bit further, she might
slip and reveal her true self, that being an alien demon sent to earth to span
with the world’s dumbest male and thereby begin the alien invasion.
- So long, Nicki. You deserve better than both Ben and
the way in which he treated you. Maybe I’ll see you around the Stockyards
sometime. I imagine you’ll see me first, however, as I’m sure your Crazy Eyes
can take in far more with a brief scan of the area than mine can.
In conclusion, I leave you with this. When I was in high
school, my friend and I once returned home to his house after a night out with
some girls that were probably below the standards we would generally set for
ourselves. When we walked into the house, said friend’s father, a very wise
man, gave us both some advice I’ll never forget. He looked directly at us with
stern eyes and he said (in no uncertain terms), “Stop thinking with your
(junk).” (He used a much stronger word.) Then he turned around and went to bed.
Clearly our poor bachelor never had a similar encounter.
KELBY
Nicki - Kiss: +25p
Nicki - Hot Tub: +25p
Nicki - Helicopter: +25p
Courtney - Kiss: +25p
Courtney - Hot Tub: +25p
Nicki - Elimination Pick: +50p
Total: 150
Previous Total: 2090
SEASON TOTAL: 2240
EMMELIE
Nicki - Kiss: +25p
Nicki - Hot Tub: +25p
Nicki - Helicopter: +25p
Courtney - Kiss: +25p
Courtney - Hot Tub: +25p
Nicki - Elimination Pick: +100p
Total: 175
Previous Total: 2035
SEASON TOTAL: 2210
MALLORY
Nicki - Kiss: +25p
Nicki - Hot Tub: +25p
Nicki - Helicopter: +25p
Courtney - Kiss: +25p
Courtney - Hot Tub: +25p
Nicki - Elimination Pick: +50p
Total: 150
Previous Total: 1995
SEASON TOTAL: 2145
CALEB
Nicki - Kiss: +25p
Nicki - Hot Tub: +25p
Nicki - Helicopter: +25p
Lindzi - Kiss: +25p
Lindzi - Fear Date: +25p
Lindzi - Hot Tub: +25p
Nicki - Elimination Pick: +100p
Total: 250
Previous Total: 1830
SEASON TOTAL: 2080
JENNA
Courtney - Kiss: +25p
Courtney - Hot Tub: +25p
Courtney - Hot Tub: +25p
Lindzi - Kiss: +25p
Lindzi - Fear Date: +25p
Lindzi - Hot Tub: +25p
Nicki - Elimination Pick: +100p
2 Contestants in the Final: +200p
2 Contestants in the Final: +200p
Total: 425
Previous Total: 1830
SEASON TOTAL: 2255
LINDSEY
Nicki - Kiss: +25p
Nicki - Hot Tub: +25p
Nicki - Helicopter: +25p
Lindzi - Kiss: +25p
Lindzi - Fear Date: +25p
Lindzi - Hot Tub: +25p
Courtney - Kiss: +25p
Courtney - Hot Tub: +25p
2 Contestants in the Final 2: +200p
Total: 400
Previous Total: 1730
SEASON TOTAL: 2130
KYLIE
Nicki - Kiss: +25p
Nicki - Hot Tub: +25p
Nicki - Helicopter: +25p
Courtney - Kiss: +25p
Courtney - Hot Tub: +25p
Nicki - Elimination Pick: +100p
Total: 225
Previous Total: 1705
SEASON TOTAL: 1930
MICAH
Lindzi - Kiss: +25p
Lindzi - Fear Date: +25p
Lindzi - Hot Tub: +25p
Total: 75
Previous Total: 1480
SEASON TOTAL: 1555
MOLLY
Lindzi - Kiss: +25p
Lindzi - Fear Date: +25p
Lindzi - Hot Tub: +25p
Nicki - Elimination Pick: +100p
Total: 175
Previous Total: 1470
SEASON TOTAL: 1645
SARAH
Nicki - Elimination Pick: +100p
Total: 100
Previous Total: 995
SEASON TOTAL: 1095
LAURA BETH
Nicki - Elimination Pick: +50p
Total: 50
Previous Total: 855
SEASON TOTAL: 905
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