- How does Jef not wear TOMS, like, all the time? Do they
not have TOMS in Utah? He should be the key demographic for that product. Caleb
and Jenna, get this guy a pair of TOMS already before Brooke Burke gets him on
her side!
- A brief word about scarves: I’m all for the scarf
craze, at least as it applies to women (still unsold on scarves for men).
However, the dark side of a serious scarf is that it limits your neck mobility
and makes it look as if you might be covering a major neck injury with your
scarf. See: Emily at the beginning of her date with Sean.
- I’ve always loved how everyone (read: “women”) talks
about Diana and Charles in glowing terms. Like, “Here’s where Princess Di and
Prince Charles got married!!!” And yet no one ever says, “And this is where
Charles cheated on Princess Di for the 100th time!!!” Those two
really didn’t work out so well together so why do we continue to obsess over
them? Weird to me.
- Really, Kalon? You “expected” a 1-on-1 date? Why?
- Oh, that’s why. Because you’re a horrible human. My
bad. That guy has said a lot of miserable things this season but the reference
to every day with Emily being a “group date” is the worst. I want Chris
Harrison to hold him down and let Brad Womack punch him repeatedly while Ames
politely and somewhat confusingly explains how you’re supposed to treat a lady.
(None of you can tell me honestly that you wouldn’t watch that for an hour. So
just check it.)
- I appreciate the concept of the “Speakers Corner” that
Emily and Sean stumbled upon. I think we need something like in America. Wait,
my bad, it’s called Facebook. Apologies.
- I love Emily but her smoker’s voice is ROUGH. Poor
girl. It sounded really creepy when she called Sean her “prisoner of love.”
- How/why does Emily know all these random facts about
London?
- Sean is BRINGING IT tonight and Emily is eating it up.
She’s saying the word “perfect” quite a bit. I still think Arie is the
frontrunner but Sean is nipping at his heels.
- Let’s take a second and recognize that Emily virtually
always looks amazing on this show. I say that to remind each of you that the
stylists HATED Ashley. I’m sure these girls have some say in what they wear but
it’s not all up to them. Emily is dressed exquisitely in every episode while
Ashley looked like an underage girl headed down the road to prostitution.
- This Shakespeare Date is a perfect example of what
these group dates should be like. Emily is actually involved in the date,
everyone gets to hang around for a while, and they’re put into somewhat awkward
positions that force them to show their true colors whether they want to or
not.
- Case in point: Kalon. The more uncomfortable and out of
his element that guy gets, the more his sadistic, controlling personality comes
out. I know I’ve made reference to this before but there’s just no way that
this guy doesn’t run a roadside motel in the middle of nowhere with his mother’s
corpse.
- I’m about to make a statement that may anger some of
you. But you come here for opinions and honesty so I feel it’s my duty to live
up to that expectation. “Romeo and Juliet” sucks. Of all Shakespeare’s major
works it is easily the worst and it infuriates me that this is the one that
English teachers choose to force feed down the throats of unsuspecting 8th
and 9th graders. There are so many incredible Shakespearean works,
why are we so fixated on that one? Ugh. So to sum up: Shakespeare good, “Romeo
and Juliet” bad.
- Travis is a
funny guy. I know he’s not winning but I’m proud of myself for identifying the
one dude in the house who has a sense of humor. That said, the turquoise boots
need to go.
- Ryan totally borrowed that scarf from Jef.
- If you still have this episode DVRed, go back and watch
the crowd shots from the “Romeo and Juliet” performance. JUST LOOK AT THOSE
TEETH!!! Some stereotypes ARE grounded in reality.
- Oh, Ryan. You and your forced kisses. You’re such a
lovable potential date rapist.
- And now Kalon is in full-on sabotage mode. I think the
following things about what’s unfolding here: 1.) Kalon IS highly intelligent.
2.) I also think that absolutely none of that intelligence extends to social
situations of any sort. 3.) I think he’s INCREDIBLY insecure. Like, 13
year-old, mid-puberty insecure. 4.) I think that he knows he’s out this week no
matter what and this is his way of going out on his own terms.
- All of those things put together have led to his
idiotic insistence that while he won’t take back what he said, everyone is
misinterpreting and attaching a “negative connotation” to his referring to
Ricki as “baggage.” There really are no positive connotations that one could
apply to that term, douche bag.
- Doug approached the informing to Emily were well. If
only he could have given Kacie B., Nicki, and Emily lessons on how to do this
sort of thing last year. That way, they could have properly informed Ben as to
what a horrible “person” Courtney was so that he could continue to ignore them
and proceed in courting the alien witch who captivated him with her skinny
dipping.
- “I want to go West Virginia, hood rat, backwoods on his
(butt).” – Emily Maynard, Best Bachelorette
EVER. Put that on this woman’s future tombstone.
- “I love to hear you talk but not until I’m done. I
learned that from you.” – Emily Maynard, Cold Hearted Assassin of Egotistical
Douche Bags Everywhere. There’s another possible tombstone idea. WOW. So
stinking great.
- As much as I loved Emily’s immediate expulsion of
Kalon, I think she’s being a little hard on the rest of the guys at this point.
No one wants to seem like a narc, ever, and especially not the manly men that
are usually assembled for this show. Also, there’s precedence for Bachelor/Bachelorette subjects not
responding well to someone tattling on another participant. Also, everyone in
the house (including Kalon himself) knew Kalon was not a real contender. I
think if Ryan, Chris, Doug, Arie, Jef, or Sean had said any of the things Kalon
said, someone would have told Emily immediately. At the same time, the way in
which Emily just chastised everyone shows how hardcore serious she really is.
- Hey Jef, the reason why you have to walk bow-legged is
because your pants are far too tight for your own good. As one of the few men
who watch this show, let me make it clear: there is NO WAY that his perpetual
skinnyjeansedness is in any way comfortable. In fact, if Emily wants to have
more children (clearly she does) then she should probably have Jef visit a
fertility doctor first to make sure those jeans haven’t left him permanently
damaged.
- Etiquette is the worst. No, I take that back. Etiquette
classes are the worst. Why is that a
thing? I’m all for manners but the very concept of High Tea and the meaningless
etiquette that goes along with it is just such a waste of life. I want to boo
this lady. As such, I greatly appreciate the fact that they just up and left.
Just check it, Etiquette Lady.
- The fact that both of them know this is the “famed”
London Eye makes me feel uncultured because I’ve never heard of it. Maybe I
should be taking etiquette classes.
- Just to check with all of you: Jef did, in fact, just
compare men to handbags, right? I didn’t make that up in my own mind? Okay, good.
Does that guy not get mocked enough? Does he just feed off of negative
attention? Come on, Jef. At least attempt to be a guy once in a while.
- On the other hand, he does appear to be a genuinely
kind person. He’s just weird. And totally not a dad.
- Is this the most intense line of questioning we’ve ever
seen at a cocktail party? I think it might be.
- FACT: When Emily gets sick, the West Virginia hood rat
inside of her comes out and she starts cursing like Brad Womack. If she would
have busted out “damn hell” I would have died…from awesomeness.
- And just like that, Ryan is back in the game! All it
took was him acting like a normal human while Kalon reminded Emily of what a
truly miserable person is like. Thanks, Kalon.
- And goodbye Alejandro. Honestly you should not take
your lengthy stay as a compliment but rather as an indictment of the mismatched
bozos that Emily was stuck with this season that happened to be worse than you.
Enjoy mushroom farming which I’m 97% sure is a front for cartel business.
KELBY
Sean - 1-on-1 date: 25p
Sean - 1-on-1 rose: 10p
Sean - Kiss: 25p
Ryan – Kiss: 25p
Ryan – Brings a gift: 25p
Arie – Kiss: 25p
Jef – 1-on-1 date: 25p
Jef – 1-on-1 rose: 10p
Jef – Kiss: 25p
Kalon – Elimination pick: 50p
Alejandro – Elimination pick: 50p
Total: 295
Previous Total: 1245
SEASON TOTAL: 1540
LINDSEY
Ryan – Kiss: 25p
Ryan – Brings a gift: 25p
Arie – Kiss: 25p
Alejandro – Elimination pick: 100p
Total: 175
Previous Total: 1020
SEASON TOTAL: 1195
EMILY
Sean - 1-on-1 date: 25p
Sean - 1-on-1 rose: 10p
Sean - Kiss: 25p
Ryan – Kiss: 25p
Ryan – Brings a gift: 25p
Arie – Kiss: 25p
Kalon – Elimination pick: 50p
Total: 185
Previous Total: 975
SEASON TOTAL: 1160
JOEY
Ryan – Kiss: 25p
Ryan – Brings a gift: 25p
Arie – Kiss: 25p
Kalon – Elimination pick: 50p
Alejandro – Elimination pick: 25p
Total: 150
Previous Total: 975
SEASON TOTAL: 1125
MALLORY
Ryan – Kiss: 25p
Ryan – Brings a gift: 25p
Arie – Kiss: 25p
Jef – 1-on-1 date: 25p
Jef – 1-on-1 rose: 10p
Jef – Kiss: 25p
Kalon – Elimination pick: 100p
Total: 245
Previous Total: 875
SEASON TOTAL: 1120
KYLIE
Sean - 1-on-1 date: 25p
Sean - 1-on-1 rose: 10p
Sean - Kiss: 25p
Ryan – Kiss: 25p
Ryan – Brings a gift: 25p
Arie – Kiss: 25p
Alejandro – Elimination pick: 50p
Kalon – Elimination pick: 50p
Total: 235
Previous Total: 855
SEASON TOTAL: 1090
EMMELIE
Ryan – Kiss: 25p
Ryan – Brings a gift: 25p
Kalon – Elimination pick: 50p
Alejandro – Elimination pick: 50p
Total: 150
Previous Total: 780
SEASON TOTAL: 930
MANDY
Arie – Kiss: 25p
Kalon – Elimination pick: 50p
Alejandro – Elimination pick: 25p
Total: 100p
Previous Total: 745
SEASON TOTAL: 845
JOSH
Arie – Kiss: 25p
Kalon – Elimination pick: 25p
Alejandro – Elimination pick: 25p
Total: 75
Previous Total: 745
SEASON TOTAL: 830
MOLLY
Ryan – Kiss: 25p
Ryan – Brings a gift: 25p
Arie – Kiss: 25p
Kalon – Elimination pick: 50p
Alejandro – Elimination pick: 50p
Total: 175
Previous Total: 738
SEASON TOTAL: 913
CALEB
Ryan – Kiss: 25p
Ryan – Brings a gift: 25p
Arie – Kiss: 25p
Alejandro – Elimination pick: 100p
Total: 175
Previous Total: 715
SEASON TOTAL: 890
JENNA
Ryan – Kiss: 25p
Ryan – Brings a gift: 25p
Arie – Kiss: 25p
Jef – 1-on-1 date: 25p
Jef – 1-on-1 rose: 10p
Jef – Kiss: 25p
Alejandro – Elimination pick: 100p
Total: 235
Previous Total: 705
SEASON TOTAL: 940
SARAH
Ryan – Kiss: 25p
Ryan – Brings a gift: 25p
Arie – Kiss: 25p
Alejandro – Elimination pick: 25p
Kalon – Elimination pick: 75p
Total: 175
Previous Total: 605
SEASON TOTAL: 780
BRIAN
Sean - 1-on-1 date: 25p
Sean - 1-on-1 rose: 10p
Sean - Kiss: 25p
Ryan – Kiss: 25p
Ryan – Brings a gift: 25p
Alejandro – Elimination pick: 75p
Total: 185
Previous Total: 575
SEASON TOTAL: 760
KAITI
Ryan – Kiss: 25p
Ryan – Brings a gift: 25p
Alejandro – Elimination pick: 50p
Kalon – Elimination pick: 50p
Total: 150
Previous Total: 560
SEASON TOTAL: 710
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