ZAK'S DATE
- No one else would've thought you'd be here at this point either, Zak. It's sort of a miracle.
- I can't decide if I think it's cool that Zak's family owns a snow cone truck or the dumbest thing ever. While I try to decide, someone please bring me a snow cone.
- I have no idea why he felt it necessary to wear a penguin suit on his all-important date with a woman who has three other men trying to woo her. Maybe he should have made it like the male version of the Slutty Pumpkin.
- I love that Zak's family gave him crap for coming out of the limo shirtless. A good family will mock its own mercilessly, at least that's what I'm trying to teach my three month old. ("Why are there dinosaurs on your shirt, dork?")
- I like how the entire family sat on one side of the table like a sitcom. I like to think they do that even when there aren't cameras in the room.
- You have to like these people.
- The ring was a bold move. Here's the thing: We all knew Zak would be the one going home. It's been set up that way for weeks. But Zak DID NOT know that and I believe the ring plus the cool family ALMOST swayed this thing in his favor.
DREW'S DATE
- Are we absolutely sure this guy likes the ladies? I mean, 100% positive?
- Whenever Drew talks to Des about his feelings for her, I feel like he's trying to convince himself.
- "Hey Zak, I'll see your ring and I'll raise you a mentally handicapped sister that I have NEVER taken anyone to visit." That's pretty tough to beat.
- Anytime you can get your father into a room with your mother and stepfather FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER and put it on national TV, you have to do it. I'm sure they played nice for the cameras but can you imagine the passive aggressive comments going on behind the scenes?
- I was about to get really uncomfortable when Drew's dad started talking about angels and so was Des, but then he brought it back around to the sister so...
- I have almost nothing to say about Drew every week. I'm not sure if that means he's a bad fit or if he's like Catherine last year.
CHRIS' DATE
- I like Chris. I really like Chris. He seems like a genuinely nice guy and someone you probably want to hang out with. But seriously, bro, you have got to cut back on the cheesy, dorky stuff. Even if Des is kinda eating it up now, it's going to get old fast. "Eye Heart Chris" across the eye black strips is the lamest thing EVER.
- Part of Des' livelihood is drawing, right? So why is she so awful at drawing? She'd be a horrible Pictionary player.
- As we pan across Chris' family, everyone looks pretty normal. Except Jill. I bet Jill has a lot of "quirks."
- No offense to any of you but I don't trust chiropractors. I think they're voodoo doctors. Also any sort of medical procedure that requires you to come back every two weeks for the rest of eternity is a bad medical procedure.
- But even if you're a chiropracting fool, having your date's father working on your back and stuff is SUPER WEIRD.
- And at least we won't get out of Chris' house without seeing him try to talk to his dad while his dad is KNUCKLES DEEP in his nostrils. That's awesome.
- I was really hoping the mom was going to end up being disapproving but alas, she relents, like they always do.
- Hey, Des, if you don't pick Chris I hope you get diabetes from Michael G.
BROOKS' DATE
- I have next to nothing to say about this date that I haven't already said. Brooks is a dork, he always seems like he just smoked a J with the animal control guys on Parks and Recreation and the only reason girls think he's attractive is his long hair. If he got Samsoned, no one would care about him. That's not to say I don't like him, I'm just bored by him. (By the way, if you haven't already seen it, watching the link I embedded there is a MUST. Hilarious.)
- That is a lot of people, which, combined with the Utah thing, led at least one of our viewers to theorize that they're all a bunch of Mormons and that Brooks' mom is like the second wife and his dad has to live a public life with the first wife. I can buy that.
- Also, his brothers/brother wives have a lot of DEEP questions. It's like they were competing to see who could ask the most personal, deep question.
- Mom wasn't sold on Des and/or this whole Bachelorette thing. Keep that in mind.
NATE'S VISIT
- Does anyone believe they haven't seen each other since he ruined everything with her with Sean? I don't.
- If this stuff is for real (always a question mark), Des is a complete moron for even talking to her brother, let alone allowing him to have any sort of sway on her decisions.
- I still maintain that Nate is in love with Des and wants to make sure that she doesn't end up with anyone else. It's very Game of Thrones.
In the end, Zak met the fate that everyone knew he'd meet, except for him. Poor guy. He truly was in complete shock. You can tell he was upset because he threw that ring out the window. Hey, I would've never thought I'd say this at the beginning of the season, but: Zak for Bachelor 2014. Make it happen, Chris Harrison!
POINT SCORERS
Zak - 145p (Des Cries, Sings a song, Original Song, Gift, Kiss, Cries)
Drew - 65p (Kiss, Des Cries, Rose)
Chris - 35p (Kiss, Rose)
Brooks - 35p (Kiss, Rose)
ANGELA
Brooks
Elimination pick (Zak) - 200
Total: 235
Previous
Total: 2615
SEASON
TOTAL: 2850
BRIAN
Brooks
Zak W
Drew
Chris
Elimination pick (Zak) - 200
Fourth Place Finish - 100
Roster Bonus (3) - 200
Total: 780
Previous
Total: 3735
SEASON
TOTAL: 4515
CARLY
Drew
Brooks
Elimination pick (Zak) - 200
Roster Bonus (2) - 150
Total: 450
Previous
Total: 2670
SEASON
TOTAL: 3120
EMILY
Brooks
Elimination pick (Zak) - 200
Total: 235
Previous
Total: 2245
SEASON
TOTAL: 2480
EMMELIE
Drew
Chris
Brooks
Elimination pick (Zak) - 200
Roster Bonus (3) - 200
Total: 535
Previous
Total: 2245
SEASON
TOTAL: 2780
JENN
G
Brooks
Drew
Elimination pick (Zak) - 200
Roster Bonus (2) - 150
Total: 450
Previous
Total: 2755
SEASON
TOTAL: 3205
JEN
R
Brooks
Zak
Elimination pick (Zak) - 200
Fourth Place Finish - 100
Total: 480
Previous
Total: 2665
SEASON
TOTAL: 3145
JOSH
Brooks
Elimination pick (Zak) - 200
Total: 235
Previous
Total: 1925
SEASON
TOTAL: 2160
KYLIE
Brooks
Chris
Drew
Zak
Elimination pick (Zak) - 200
Fourth Place Finish - 100
Roster Bonus (3) - 200
Total: 780
Previous
Total: 3735
SEASON
TOTAL: 4515
LAURA
Brooks
Drew
Elimination pick (Zak) - 200
Roster Bonus (2) - 150
Total: 450
Previous
Total: 2415
SEASON
TOTAL: 2865
LINDSAY
Brooks
Zak
Fourth Place Finish - 100
Total: 280
Previous
Total: 3080
SEASON
TOTAL: 3360
LINDSEY
Brooks
Chris
Drew
Elimination pick (Zak) - 200
Roster Bonus (2) - 200
Total: 535
Previous
Total: 2945
SEASON
TOTAL: 3480
MALLORY
Brooks
Drew
Chris
Elimination pick (Zak) - 200
Roster Bonus (3) - 200
Total: 535
Previous
Total: 2875
SEASON
TOTAL: 3410
MANDY
Brooks
Elimination pick (Zak) - 200
Total: 235
Previous
Total: 1830
SEASON
TOTAL: 2065
MICHELLE
Chris
Drew
Elimination pick (Zak) - 200
Roster Bonus (2) - 150
Total: 450
Previous
Total: 3010
SEASON
TOTAL: 3460
MOLLY
Brooks
Chris
Drew
Elimination pick (Zak) - 200
Roster Bonus (3) - 200
Total: 535
Previous
Total: 3120
SEASON
TOTAL: 3655
SHELBY
Zak
Drew
Brooks
Elimination pick (Zak) - 200
Fourth Place Finish - 100
Roster Bonus (2) - 150
Total: 695
Previous
Total: 2970
SEASON
TOTAL: 3665
TIFFANY
Zak
Elimination pick (Zak) - 200
Fourth Place Finish - 100
Total: 345
Previous
Total: 2765
SEASON
TOTAL: 3110
TOBIN
Brooks
Total: 35
Previous
Total: 2310
SEASON
TOTAL: 2345
ZACK
Brooks
Chris
Zak
Elimination
pick (Zak) - 200
Fourth Place Finish - 100
Roster Bonus (2) - 150
Total: 565
Previous
Total: 4000
SEASON
TOTAL: 4565
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